richard a. singer

At the foundation of my life lies my aspiration to be the best human being that I can possibly be. Personally, this aspiration consists of a strong foundation based on eight core beliefs or principles that I utilize as guidelines for the “How” and “Why” I live. Without these guideposts in my life my daily existence lacks meaning and can easily become chaotic and filled with the egoic selfishness that screams for attention within me. To develop and begin to live according to your core beliefs is an essential task of a successful and meaningful life. I will present my core beliefs followed by a brief description below. I urge you do the same regarding your life and begin to use them as guideposts for your daily living.

1. All Human Beings are Equal - Often in our society among many others, human beings are excluded or alienated based on race, socioeconomic status, sex, ethnicity, religion, as well as countless other external characteristics. I believe that a basic principle in this universe is the fact that all members of humanity are equal and should be treated this way with the same respect and dignity as well all expect as human beings. This belief forms the foundation of all my human relationships.

2. Material Possessions Do Not Create Meaning or Purpose in Life- I believe that meaning and purpose is created and discovered within us. Thus, fleeting external sensory pleasures are of course part of life, but not the part that makes life fulfilling.

3. Live According to Your Spirit and Not Your Ego- Spirituality is of great importance to me in my personal life. My belief is that the ego creates delusions and false judgments about life, thus we should live aligned with the part within us that knows the Truth.

4. We are Social Beings, thus it is our Nature to Help Each other- I believe that we are responsible as human beings to help each other in any way possible. We are all in the same boat called “Life” and we will be survive and live much more peacefully if we join together in unity rather than exclusivity.

5. Give as Much as You Possibly Can To - Through giving we create purpose and meaning in our lives. To give for the benefit of humanity and lend a hand for those in need, without expecting anything in return, is the greatest gift of all.

6. I am Personally Responsible for the path I take in Life- I genuinely believe in personal responsibility concerning the choices we take in life. Its always possible to to choose another path in our lives regardless of our past circumstances.

7. Do Not Allow Society to Dictate My Life- Society often leads individuals astray, directing them towards money, fame, prestige, and ultimately a life overflowing with anxiety and chaos. I believe that within me lies the guidance that I require to live according to the true reality of the world, rather than the faulty delusions of societal thinking.

8. Live My Life Completely in the Moment; The Moment is all that Life Truly Consist of- I genuinely and whole heartedly believe in present centered living. Immersing ourselves and giving all we have to each moment will ensure a fulfillment and peace in our daily life.

This seems like a silly question I know! Of course it sucks; in fact any kind of pain sucks when we are in its grasp. If you are alive and human you have certainly experienced your share of heartache throughout your life. This pain is a significant part of our experience on this planet; without it no growth personally or universally occurs. We can wish this pain away, stuff it deep down inside us, deny it completely, or we can deal effectively with these feelings and use our pain as a tremendous transformative opportunity along our journey of life.

Based on my direct experience and internal investigation of my personal pain combined with knowledge acquired throughout the years , I have come up with 5 specific things we need to do with the pain we feel in our hearts.

1.) Embrace the Pain - feel the pain to the fullest and welcome it as an important teacher that will ultimately allow you to greatly improve your life. Eventually, you will feel this pain so you might as well invite it in and hold its hand while it passes through your being. Right now is the best time to feel this pain. Procrastination only increases the amount of pain we feel and casts a dark cloud over our ability to live in the present moment.

2.) Express the Pain - Talk to someone you respect and trust about the pain you are experiencing. Write down the pain in a journal or make a list of everything that is painful about your situation. Whatever you do, get the pain out of your head. The expression of the pain is a crucial step in the recovery and learning process.

3.) Do Not Increase the Pain - The pain you are feeling in your heart is definitely enough for you to deal with. Do not allow your mind and ego to fabricate and adopt irrational thoughts about your situation. Engaging in this meaningless process will only exacerbate your pain. We as human beings with powerful egos are experts at creating more pain than we need. Do not succumb to the ego’s temptations.

4.) Learn From the Pain - Pain in our hearts has valuable lessons to teach us. Listen to the pain and use the knowledge in your daily life. Ask yourself what significant lessons you can learn from this experience. There is always a lesson; you must simply ask and you will receive.

5.) DO NOT FEAR THE PAIN - Fearing pain does nothing productive, it merely prolongs and intensifies the pain you will ultimately feel. Step into the pain and utilize these important suggestions in making the most of your painful experience. You will certainly look back and see how this pain has transformed your entire being; mind, body, and soul.

Remember pain informs you that you are alive, human, and exactly where you are supposed to be along the mysterious but purposeful path of the Universe.

I certainly will not attempt, or pretend, to present you with any profound or innovative wisdom that is not directly accessible within your being. What I will discuss is change, or impermanence, and our relationship, as human beings with illusive egos, to this Reality. The content of my discussion will come directly from the awareness that one great being discovered many, many centuries ago as he sat under a tree in deep contemplation. You may know of this individual as Buddha, “the awakened one.” Buddha discovered Truth in his quiet meditative and ego-less state and shared it freely with all who would listen. Truth, or Reality, cannot be explained or comprehended in intellectual terms; it simply lies within your being waiting to be applied in your life. Our ego pretends to know many truths through its imbedded illusions and misperceptions, however, Truth can only be discovered when we connect with the genuine part of ourselves that is free from the ego’s influence.

As ego driven human beings we have a strong desire for certainty and complete control of life at all costs. We long for permanence and the (temporary) comfort that we believe we attain, however, every aspect of our lives is in constant flux or change. Every atom of every cell is in continuous motion and, in our minds, feelings and thoughts constantly come and go. Life is change, but change triggers confusion, fear, anger, suffering, and hence our ego tries to stop change by conceptualizing and manipulating Reality. We have created infinite solutions to our egoic needs; strict boundaries, laws, rules, cages and exclusive religions, to name a few. All of these developed to assure that things go our way, according to our plans. We simply have attempted to restrict the natural changes of the Universe. Unfortunately, this resistance and fight against “what is” causes nothing but immense suffering, due to its propensity to create disharmony with Reality, or Truth. By trying to take control, we paradoxically become even more out of control. The Buddha called this endless fight against Reality, “attachment to worldly illusions”, which causes all the suffering we experience in our daily lives. The solution is not in control or intentional action, but through seeing Reality or Truth, which demonstrates to us that each single moment we experience is transitory and continuously changing.

The Universal River flows according to a perfect rhythm that we must align with if we are to find pure peace and serenity. Chuang Tzu, the brilliant Chinese philosopher, talked about this much more elegantly when he suggested, “Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the Ultimate.” It is in this awakening to the flow of this eternal energy that we become free of suffering and capable of living the enlightened life that patiently waits within our soul. Now is the time to access this precious life and begin your internal transformation. Enter the perfect flow of the cosmos and you will then understand what Buddha meant when he exclaimed, “When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head and laugh at the sky.”

Is this idealistic chatter that is impractical and impossible to apply in our daily lives? Is it “New Age” babble or popular self-help talk? From deep within my being I must reply with a resounding “NO”. Within these words I have found peace when I choose to detach from my ego and apply them to my life. However, you must test this wisdom yourself, consistently heeding the words of Buddha, “Believe nothing merely because you have been told it.” What I have experienced in my journey is that this awareness and practice is very simple, yet our dominant ego incessantly tries to persuade us that life needs to be complex. Your ego demands that you dismiss this Truth at once. Do not allow the ego to conquer your soul. I urge you to get in touch with the Truth that lies within you and begin your practice immediately. Apply the following 3 steps and you are on your Way:

I. Begin to recognize and maintain awareness of the voice of your ego and gently detach from its demands. This will allow your Voice of Truth to emerge. (This is a continuous process that will never be complete, however little by little your ego will have less control over you.)

II. Align your True self with the invisible, yet omnipotent flow of the Universal Energy. (You may call this energy anything you wish i.e. God, the Tao, the Way, Spirit, etc. Remember to not get caught up in labels.)

III. Commit yourself to the acceptance of the “NOW” and embrace the perfect expressions and changes that are presented to you by the Universe. (Remember that it is always Now, and it is here that you will discover the Truth.)

I must remind you before I depart that what you have just read are not just words. This wisdom has nothing to do with The Secret, Chicken Soup for the Soul, or the Law of Attraction. This is Truth! It is the eternal wisdom that will guide you in your search for peace. This is your answer! Please question it vigorously, practice it diligently, and unearth this precious jewel of Truth that inhabits your soul.

Within your own house dwells the treasure of joy, So why do you go begging from door to door.

As human beings we are consistently involved in an endless search for something external to fill the void within us. We search for the perfect partner or our Soul mate, with the hopes of finding everlasting joy, happiness and true love. We look for a new partner to relieve our pain of the loss of another. What we fail to realize is that by expecting another human being to make us a whole person we are decreasing our own self worth and simply saying that we are not wholesome or complete as we are. What we need to realize is that we already have the precious gift of love and happiness deep within our own being and that our pain will always exist until we begin to trust and rely on the innate happiness within our own beating heart. There is no Soul mate out there; your Soul mate lives within you, patiently awaiting the day when you decide to reunite with the perfect love that exists and will always exist in the depths of your soul.

You are your best friend, lover and inspiration above all others, by loving your entire being you will gain unlimited capacity to share your love and kindness with everyone who crosses your path. Embrace the uniqueness of your being and begin to engage passionately in the admiration of your whole self. You have a specific meaning and purpose for being alive, thus it is your responsibility to honor your life. Before you can engage in any other intimate relationship in your life, you must devote love and respect for every aspect of your being. Learn to express compassionate and unconditional self-love. Allow the intuition of your soul to guide you to higher states of consciousness and be the recipient of the immense love that resides within your heart. Let the love, compassion and kindness exude from your being and touch all those you meet.

I offer you 6 suggestions to embrace and nourish your relationship with yourself and all other human beings you meet along your precious journey of life:

Practice mindfulness. A life lived mindfully is a life filled with peace, tranquility, joy, truth, bliss, ecstasy and compassion. Mindfulness is a form of meditation, involving direct participation in each moment as it occurs with complete awareness of your present experience. Dive into the harmonious and perfect rhythm of the universe and you will experience the true essence of life. Let go of the attachments of the past and the desires of the future and simply be, right now. These attachments always lead to discontentment, frustration and an inability to enjoy life. Free yourself from this bondage by first forgiving yourself, and then forgiving others.

Awaken to the truth of life. Do not allow your ego to manipulate you into believing that the melodramas of the physical world are a reality in which you must participate. Always reflect deeply within your being and allow your spirit to determine what is important in your life.

Accept change. Acknowledging change plays a vital role in our relationships. When we accept that others have faults and weaknesses, just like ourselves, we are truly in a position to know the other person and to experience their inner world. Rather than attempting to change the person to our ideal partner, we are able to witness and enjoy the growth of another human being.

Quiet your ego. Be still and know that you are not what your ego tells you and you do not have to react to what your ego thinks, feels, or believes. Stillness will help you to connect to that genuine part of yourself that doesn’t judge, manipulate, or harm. To live by your ego whether you are relating with yourself or others will ultimately cause conflict and confusion. Relating with your genuine self will emanate love in all interactions.

Acknowledge impermanence. Escape from behind the clouds of misunderstanding and gently surrender to the eternal present of your daily life. Accept and be one with the energy of the Universe. Nothing stays the same, yet everything remains perfect. To surrender to whom you are and to what is in each moment is the way to enlightenment in all areas of your life.

Embrace simplicity. This is the essence of spiritual life. To simply be, living devoid of all the chaos caused by external demands, is the path to ultimate liberation and pure joy. Implement enjoyment and humor in each moment you experience during your journey of life. Learn to laugh at yourself and the challenges presented to you. Smile in the face of adversity and know that this is the natural state of your genuine being.

Richard A. Singer is a trained psychotherapist and the award winning author author of “Eastern Wisdom for Your Soul” & “Your Daily Walk With The Great Minds.”